


To watch you fall

by HiddenObscurial



Series: mcu one-shots [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Clint Barton Needs a Hug, F/M, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Nightmares, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-08
Updated: 2019-05-08
Packaged: 2020-02-28 12:14:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18756244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HiddenObscurial/pseuds/HiddenObscurial
Summary: Clint knows that they won the war, but it has never felt like it.





	To watch you fall

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for any spelling / grammar errors, I didn’t thoroughly proofread it. Have some of my post-endgame angst.

_Clint shoots the arrow at her feet, and she is sent sprawling onto the ground as it explodes. He knows he doesn’t have much time left before she gets up again. And in that moment, he makes a choice._

_Throwing down his bow, he takes off at a full sprint towards the cliff. He takes one last look at her, where she is still on the ground. He jumps, prepared to plunge into the fog below them-_

_He’s tackled by her as he starts to fall, and a rope of a grappling hook catches him by the belt. His back slams painfully against the sharp, rocky cliff-face._

_As she falls past him, he reaches out and grabs her by the wrist._

_She’s safe._

_He looks up at the cliff - it’s way too high for him to climb up with only one hand - and then back at her._

_”Damn it,” is all he can say as he uses his other hand to reach for her, but she’s just out of reach._

_The grappling hook starts to slip from where it had caught him on his belt. Instinctively, he grabs the line before they both fall._

_He can’t hold her there for much longer - they both know that. She looks up at him as his grip starts to falter._

_”Let me go,” she says softly, the expression on her face somehow calm._

_”No,” he says desperately. “No, please, no.”_

_He won’t lose her. Not like this._

_”It’s okay,” she whispers. The look in her eyes tells him that she’s made up her mind._

_He tightens his grip on her._

_“Please,” he begs, but it’s no use. He can only watch helplessly as she kicks off against the face of the cliff, and her wrist slides out of his hand, and she falls away from him._

_His fingertips brush hers as he reaches out to try catch her, but it’s too late. “No!”_

_He can’t bear to watch her as she falls to the bottom of the cliff, and he looks away, pressing his forehead against the cold surface of the rocks. A sob builds in his chest, and he can feel the tears running down his face, but he doesn’t care._

_When he looks over again, the fog under him has cleared, and he sees her body, so impossibly still on the ground, so far below him._

_He cries out - a broken, guttural sound._

_The logical part of his mind knows that he needs to go, that the rest of the Avengers are waiting for him to get back with the soul stone. But what’s the point, when she’s gone? How can he leave her here alone?_

_Fog rises up from the abyss towards him again, and her body is obscured from his view. Then, there is a blinding flash of light._

“Nat!” 

Clint sits up in bed, breathing heavily. It takes a minute for him to remember - he’s not on Vormir. He’s safe.

_She’s not._

He scrubs a hand down his face, and realises with a start that there are tears on his cheeks.

He can still feel her fingertips brushing against his as she fell. It’s almost like he’s never truly left Vormir - it feels like he’s still there, watching her fall, every single night. And each time, even though he knows what is about to happen, there is nothing he can do to stop it. 

He knows that they won the war, but it has never felt like it. 

It’s always felt like they lost. 

_He failed her._

Beside him, Laura stirs in her sleep, but she doesn’t wake. Clint quietly slips out of bed. The clock on the wall tells him that it’s two in the morning. 

He pulls on a coat and heads outside. The cold winter wind is harsh against his face.

He treads through the thin layer of fresh snow that had fallen while he was asleep, and he finds himself walking towards the edge of the forest surrounding the farm. 

He stops in front of the headstone. The moonlight is just bright enough that he can make out her name carved into the granite. 

He sits down heavily in the snow, a sob ripping through his body. 

“It should have been me,” he croaks, tears running down his face. “It should’ve been me; you didn’t need to do this for that stupid, _goddamned_ stone.” 

He takes a shuddering breath. His fingers are going numb in the cold, but he doesn’t really care. 

He’s never quite cared about anything since Vormir. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I- It’s all my fault, I’m so, so, sorry.”

He sits in front of the grave long enough that he’s exhausted from crying, and he can barely feel the tips of his fingers. But he can’t bring himself to move. So he continues sitting there, staring numbly at her name. 

He hears someone approaching him from behind, but he can’t bring himself to get up.

“Clint?” Laura says gently. 

He turns to look up at her and tries to say something, but the words are caught in his throat. 

She seems to understand what he is thinking, and she leans down, wrapping the blanket she was carrying around him. 

The ache in his chest too much for him to even say his thanks. 

She kneels down in front of him, and gently uses her thumb to wipe away the tears left on his cheeks. He watches her silently, desperately holding back the tears welling up in his eyes once more. 

“Clint?” Laura finally says. “If you’re okay with it, we should go back inside; you’ll get sick, sitting out here like that.” 

He takes one last look at the headstone in the snow, then nods. And then, they walk back to the house together.


End file.
